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JULY 2009
STOP,
DROP AND ROLL
Beloved community,
Hope you are finding creative ways to keep your cool this summer.
It has been quite some time since I have allowed my reflections
to emerge as written form. I'm grateful for all your correspondences
inquiring about the newsletter. The story below will give you an
idea of my journey the past six months.
FIRE ALARMS
In January, I accepted a K-8 special education teaching position
at a charter school. At the time I said YES, I didn't know that
2 people had previously been servicing this position. I DID know
that the students had not been receiving special education services
for 4 months (warning sign #1), there were no classroom teaching
materials (warning sign #2) and piles of paperwork had been unattended
to (warning sign #3). Even with these obvious burning embers, I
consented, allowing my chest-pounding ego to lead the way…"I
can do this. I'll show them!" Within a few weeks, internal
fire alarms were flashing: EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! My inner
ear could hear the unrelenting blaring sirens. I was imploding in
a wildfire of demanding tasks.
I ignored the
emergency signals. A survival strategy and belief I quickly adopted
was "do more"…be more organized, acquire more knowledge,
create more lesson plans, buy more supplies and work more hours.
Steadfastly I held onto this mantra, when in truth, incessant doing
was incinerating my life. With a "do more" mind and attitude,
I actually accomplished less ultimately resulting in less presence,
less possibilities and less awareness. I noticed myself spinning
in a cycle of buying, trying and crying. Exhaustion ignited escalating
errors which in turn produced even more fires to put out. Eventually
burn-out consumed me with no visible escape route.
STOP,
DROP AND ROLL
Remember as a child being trained to stop, drop and roll if
you should ever find yourself in the unlikely but possible situation
of your clothes catching fire. Our natural inclination is to escape
the flames by running.
That's exactly what I wanted to do…run like hell! The life
saving technique of stopping, dropping to the ground, and rolling
to extinguish the flames proved not only to be applicable to fire
safety but also became the
framework for my spiritual path.
STOP
The first thing needed was to STOP right where I was
at! I slammed on my brakes! And hit the STOP button!
I had to STOP trying to fix external conditions! Initially
this seemed counter productive yet Taoism calls this inaction "wu-wei"
which doesn't literally translate as doing nothing but rather as
a removal of forced or unnatural action. As I stopped panicking
and halted my egotistical exertions, I no longer was a victim, no
longer trapped, no longer having melt-downs. In this state of wu-wei
I was now conscious. I was alive and awake for the first
time in a long while.
DROP
DROP toxic thinking and get grounded. After extinguishing
excessive "doing", I was then able to gradually and not-always-so-gently
smother the flames of my over-dramatized, perfectionistic, self-critical
and self-blaming mind. The same repetitive and self-destructive
cogitations that had consumed me and dictated my actions
could not transcend the linear dimensions of my illogical and unreasonable
mind. Changing thinking is no
small task. I relied on "fire marshal" friends and colleagues
to assist me in reducing my stories to ashes
Stuck in past
and future thinking, I felt disconnected, unfocused and anxious.
It seemed as if there was no space in my mind or heart to disengage
from my own reactivity. Grounding anchored me in the present where
calm and intuition thrived. Reconnected to my root Source, I was
now able draw upon my spiritual nature welcoming moment to moment
living. Nurturing and nourishing practices of gardening, meditation,
hikes,
silence, playing piano, dance/movement, soothing music, bike riding
and gratitude refreshed and inspired me.
I shifted from flare-ups to flourishing.
ROLL
ROLL with the flow. Now that I was no longer fueling
fires, I transcended to a space of receptivity to whatever might
happen or whatever might exist. No longer fanning the flames of
manipulation and control of
circumstances or people, I chose to respond from a place of centeredness
and ease. Life became easier the more I flowed with the natural
movements and cycles of ups and downs. It became more difficult
the more I resisted and strived to move in an opposing direction.
I relaxed into present moment awareness and flowed
with the current of Infinite Goodness. Starved of oxygen, the blaze
of struggle and stress was finally snuffed
out.
What ensued
next was a new and benevolent relationship with myself, students
and learning community.
Now attuned to passions and interests, we ignited partnerships for
an edible school garden project that brought connection, meaning
and value to our classroom and school. We harvested a new love of
learning and being together that I shall always treasure.
Today
I know that I cannot control the ocean tides. I can only go with
the flow.
When I struggle and try to organize the Atlantic to my specifications,
I sink.
If I fail and thrash and growl and grumble, I go under. But if I
let go and float, I am borne aloft.
Marie Stilkind
Recall
a situation where your reactivity might be making things worse.
How might you respond differently if
you were to "stop, drop and roll"?
From my heart,
Adrian Reznik
Copyright
© 2009 Adrian Reznik
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