January 2006
BIRTHING NEW THOUGHTS

Every time I'm asked about my new year's resolutions, this song pops into my mind.

"Resolve to evolve, Get on the spiritual path.
Resolve to evolve, Give your brain a metaphysical bath.
You can resolve to evolve, Leave your mental baggage behind.
It may sound strange but the world won't change 'til you rearrange your mind."*

It is a catchy tune and I find myself frequently and blissfully singing it daily especially during this time in which I am in the process of a spiritual, emotional and physical "clutter cleanse." This experience of purging and releasing clears the way for fresh starts, energy shifts and new ways of being. I consider renewal and rebirth to be miraculous gifts of grace. Although this process can be challenging, I am none-the-less grateful.

Traditionally most people choose January to commit to new goals and intentions. In general, we humans do not like being prisoners of the past. We have a deep yearning to launch new beginnings and hope for greater possibilities. Yet, you don't have to wait another 365 days to begin anew. Every month, every week, every day, every hour, every solitary moment is an opportunity to give birth to a new thought.

Thoughts influence your experiences of life and create our reality. What you see, hear, touch, feel, and learn is processed through your thoughts. Understandably, when two different people attend an event, see a movie or witness a car accident, they will each report a different set of unique experiences because of how they processed the circumstances through their own thinking. Therefore, what you see is not in actuality what you see. It is what you think you see, what you believe you see, what you want to see - it is your own personal interpretation and perceptions or what you are telling yourself about an experience.

We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are. The Talmud

Children are constantly formulating thoughts and beliefs about themselves from their interactions with adults. They are always listening to and watching adults, taking in billions of bits of data and forming images of whom they are and how life works accordingly. They literally believe whatever they are told and most often without question especially when it comes from parents, teachers, media, authority figures and other influences.

Younger children are not intellectually capable of questioning or filtering out the harmful effects of words and actions. If they are told or it is implied that they are lazy, stupid, incapable, annoying, rude, stubborn, unlovable, ugly, etc., they internalize these untruths into their being. On the other hand, if children experience loving, compassionate, fun, playful, authentic and nurturing environments where their mis-takes are celebrated and their innate beauty and magnificence are cherished and continually revealed, they view themselves in a positive light. Right or wrong, positive or negative, children believe you. Why else is it so easy to influence their beliefs in the tooth fairy, Easter Rabbit or Santa Claus?!

Negative thoughts are notorious for generating strength by gathering "like thoughts", such as their siblings, relatives, friends, neighbors and before you know it you have an army of terrorists holding your mind hostage! Look at how our current thinking has us readily negating our accomplishments, achievements or even options and instead focusing on our "perceived" flaws, limitations and defects. How many times have you completed a project successfully only to put all your energy and attention on the things you did "wrong" - even when it was done perfectly?

I vividly recall in my schooling years how teachers vigorously corrected papers with red pens or pencils. If I had
2 incorrect responses on a test of 25 questions, my paper was returned with a red neon sign blazingly informing me of my errors. Immediately I put my attention to my mistakes and rarely, if ever, celebrated the 23 correct. Consider this process repeatedly being experienced day after day over many years. I know I was busily telling myself many stories about my inabilities and inadequacies, beliefs that still haunt me from time to time today. Sadly children are programmed to absorb "fault-finding" thoughts from an early age when most adult interactions come from a consciousness of correction, after correction, after correction. Could that be why so many people strive to be "right", to prove their worth or value?

I hesitate suggesting you adopt new mechanical techniques for rearranging your mind which would likely evoke thoughts of incompetence or resistance. So instead, I invite you to "get on your spiritual path," to step out of your head, "leave your mental baggage behind" and move into your heart. I like to call this journey "the path of the heart".

Since your spiritual evolution is a unique and personal voyage, how you proceed is completely up to you. Some practices that have aided me to stay on my heart path are meditation, prayer, stillness, labyrinth walks, gardening, hikes, music, journal writing, creative expressions through art and dance, singing, yoga, intimate and lively conversations with dear friends, candlelit (metaphysical?) baths, etc. What's vital is that you make some forward movement, whether it be baby steps or some other stride towards evolving or allowing your thoughts to clear. Just put one foot in front of the other and you are on your way. In addition, perhaps the following may be helpful and provide you with ease as you transcend your thinking.

It's important to remember that these precious beings we call children come into our lives to evolve their souls and need your love and compassion to do so. I believe that when the teacher/parent is ready, the student/child shows up. You ARE ready, whether you know it or not. There is nothing you need to do. Simply BE the love that you are. All the Love that you require already resides within. Tap into this unlimited, unconditional Source any time, any day, any where. Yes, often the pathways of the heart get blocked with traffic jams of discordant thoughts perhaps of fear, anger, or hopelessness. This is when you may choose to listen to your stories with kindness, empathy and understanding and assure them they are no longer true, no longer necessary and then release them. Hang a "NO VACANCY" sign in your mind for these kinds of thoughts.

Because our lives are a culmination of thoughts, we have the capacity to change our experiences, our reality,
our actions and reactions by birthing new thoughts. Simply put, you are only a thought away from a different experience every moment. Resolve the way you think about yourself, each other and children. Become conscious of the thoughts you are feeding yourself and young ones. Remember, your life is an expression of your mind. You are the creator of your own Universe and you have the free will to create whatever state of being you desire.

Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.
Benjamin Disraeli

A mantra that has been working well for me to be more conscious of my thoughts and actions is "BE CURIOUS NOT FURIOUS" or "CONNECTION VERSUS CORRECTION." I present you with an example.

Completion of homework tends to be a hot button in education. So let's take a look at a scenario. A neutral observation: Jimmy's homework has not been turned in for 4 days consecutively. A story the teacher may tell herself: "Jimmy NEVER gets his homework in on time. He is ______." Fill in the blank with any of the following or make up one of your own: "lazy, irresponsible, disorganized, defiant, careless, incapable." As a result, the teacher may respond with punishment, anger, humiliation, or even doubt her abilities to inspire, motivate or help this particular student be successful. At the same time the student may tell himself: "I disappointed my teacher. She hates me. I never do anything right. I am a failure. It's hopeless. I give up. I hate school."

Now what would happen if the teacher took a path of curiosity? What might she find if she made a choice to transcend her thoughts or stories to seek understanding? What follows are some "real life" responses I have received from children when I have inquired about this same situation:

"I (9 year old) have to take care of my 3 younger brothers while my mom goes to work every night."

"As soon as I get home from tutoring every day (1 hour after school), I quickly eat dinner and then have to go to bible study. I fall asleep on the way home."

"Our home was invaded and my mom was tied up and had a gun to her head. We are finding different places to stay because we can't go back home."

"The homework is too easy (boredom). I already know how to do this and besides I don't really understand why I have to do this stupid stuff. Why don't you give us something more interesting, more fun. " (homework lacks relevance or meaning)

These are not excuses for the incompletion of homework. They are genuine situations occurring in the lives of children under the age of 10. Yet, when I opened my heart to empathically listen with the sole intention of connection to what was alive within each child about their unique set of circumstances, it was easy to move compassionately and creatively towards strategies that met the needs of both the student and myself as the educator.

When we live from the heart, our path is lovingly filled with the richness and beauty of the journey. When we live in the mind of critical thinking, the road is long, bumpy and difficult to navigate. Which path or thoughts are you choosing today?

May this day and every day be filled with Happy, Healthy, Holy Loving new thoughts.
From my heart to yours,
Namaste'
Adrian Reznik

You're not the product of a broken home, a devastated economy, a world in the upheaval of war, a minority group, a family of drunkards, or a poverty-ridden neighborhood. You are the product of your own thinking processes and whatever you're thinking about today is the cornerstone of your tomorrow. Thomas Sikking

NURTURE A CHILD "NUGGETS"

LANGUAGE OF THE HEART. What has gently nudged me deeper into living a consciousness of greater compassion is the philosophy of Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC). NVC is called the "language of the heart" and it enables me to connect with the human spirit, with any person, in any situation, especially myself. NVC has given me the tools to become more mindful of my daily interactions with life, how to express myself honestly and avenues for listening without blame or judgment. I have resources for learning NVC, practice groups and more. If you'd like to connect with this community or this way of being, please contact me. Also, January 30, 2006, is the start of The Season for Nonviolence. I will be providing a link on the
Nurture a Child website for a listing of local events for your attendance and participation. Many of our NVC family will be sponsoring these events. If you'd like to be included, please email me by January 23.

Children Learn What They Live (2005 version)by Duen Hsi Yen
I have read many versions of this poem over the years. This one resonates with me the most and seems perfect for how children experience and interpret life. For a history of this poem's evolution, CLICK HERE

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to feel discouraged
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to feel angry
If a child lives with violence, he learns to feel afraid
If a child lives with dishonesty, he learns to feel suspicious
If a child lives with judgment, he learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to feel ashamed
If a child lives with disorder, he learns to feel confused
If a child lives with disappointment, he learns to feel helpless
If a child lives with silence, he learns to feel lonely
BUT
If a child lives with protection, he learns to feel safe
If a child lives with honesty, he learns to feel trustful
If a child lives with peace, he learns to feel calm
If a child lives with sharing, he learns to feel thankful
If a child lives with understanding, he learns to feel encouraged
If a child lives with laughter, he learns to feel happy
If a child lives with creativity, he learns to feel inspired
If a child lives with choice, he learns to feel free
If a child lives with community, he learns to feel supported
If a child lives with accomplishment, he learns to feel confident
If a child lives with meaning, he learns to feel fulfilled
If a child lives with love, he learns to feel tender
WITH WHAT IS YOUR CHILD (or students) LIVING?

PS. This poem could also be written in nonsexist form by substituting "child" with "children," and "he" with "they." Unfortunately, there is no single word in the English language that conveys the concept of "he" and "she" together. However, in Chinese, a single word does exist: "ta." Isn't that amazing!

*Resolve To Evolve, lyrics by Robert Anderson and performed by Devotion on the "We Are Healing" CD.

Copyright © 2006 Adrian Reznik