June 27, 2007
GOOD AND FUN

One of the sweetest and most endearing sounds on earth is that of children's laughter. Whenever I'm in the presence of their vibrant giggles, life just seems more enchanting, simpler, pure and full of innocence. Their carefree, fun, and joy-filled delight is engaging, infectious and uplifting. And a few weeks ago, my soul received
a jolt of these jollies.

While driving home a car full of sixth graders after an end-of-year completion ceremony, laughter permeated throughout the vehicle. My curiosity begged me to inquire what was so amusing yet I did not want to disturb
this magical moment of unreserved joy. Earlier, the day had been filled with the hustle and bustle of challenging transportation logistics, increasingly hot temperatures, and dashing emotions ranging from sadness about our concluding time together, to excitement for our celebration, to concern about a girl team member who was overcome with dehydration and was rushed to the hospital. I was approaching exhaustion on this trip homeward when the girls' bursts of intoxicating exhilaration consumed me. Suddenly my mind, body, and spirit were elevated to new heights. And then I got it …

Many of you know I participated as a coach in the GIRLS FOR A CHANGE (GFC) program this year. GFC www.girlsforachange.org is a national organization that empowers thousands of teen girls to create and lead social change. Girls participate in teams to identify challenges their communities face, then design and implement creative solutions to address them. Two women serve as coaches for each team and generously volunteer their time, talents, and treasures to guide and support the girls toward and through their project.

This year I was blessed with dozens of energetic middle school girls - primarily sixth graders. These eager
young women showed up with passionate visions of serving their community. They were excited, hopeful,
playful and ready to contribute.

Although the training was comprehensive, I still began with some trepidation about my capacity to serve as a
life coach, best represent and implement GFC's mission and vision, co-facilitate with a stranger, arrange my already busy life to plan and prepare for meetings AND remain sane! Having had less experience with this age group and knowing the developmental, emotional and personal challenges these girls face on a daily basis not only at school but also in their communities, I questioned my competence for meeting the girl's abundant and ever evolving needs.

After a few meetings, it became increasingly apparent that accommodating such a large group of girls in such
a short space of time after school on Fridays was presenting some interesting challenges. I noticed I was
having difficulty remembering names and faces, along with my responsibilities and routines. I wrestled with
how to keep ALL the girls engaged and questioned how we'd ever get to our desired objective. At some point,
I unconsciously chose to keep my eye to the future focusing on project completion, concerned the girls would think of themselves as failures or flawed if they did not reach their project goal. It was then that I became ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME.

Each successive meeting we (co-coach and myself) gently nudged the girls forward, ready or not. Being less attentive and responsive to their present needs, we missed opportunities for compassionately building community and connections. When the girls felt safe enough to bring their internal and intense school conflicts to the meetings, we tiptoed around their issues and instead, like captains of a ship, sailed the girls forward on their team mission. Still, ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME.

An important aspect of the GFC program is the connection activity designed for each meeting. This is an enjoyable and non-threatening opportunity to develop friendships, establish safety and trust, value our unique qualities and link the follow-up reflection to social change. To create more time for project development, the coaches decided to shift the connection activities from the start of our meetings to the end. Occasionally this worked well because our meetings concluded in great spirits. More often than not, we simply pushed it aside. Again, ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME.

As we neared the end of the school year and the girls had not yet identified a community need and correlating project, our gentle nudging progressed to strong persuasion. The girls had grappled with a tangled web of concerns that were hard to sort through. Out of desperation, the coaches decided to label this entanglement "peer conflicts" and marched the girls down a road of project ideas they never fully grasped or owned. I
remember the day our director visited one of our meetings to model a GFC process. When she asked the girls
to describe the project, their dead silence spoke loudly. My stomached churned as I painfully became more aware of my ATTACHMENT TO THE OUTCOME.

The more attached we are to a vision of the future,
the less present we are to what is actually trying to emerge here and now.
Peter Merry

Got the picture??? The more I fixated on the outcome, the less present I was for the girls…or myself. Hyper-focusing on the future blinded my ability to seeing what was directly in front of me - vivacious young women
with unbridled joy for life. Clinging to project completion, I neglected to embrace the girls as "whole, creative
and resourceful" (our mantra). Standing over life with a whip only resulted in suffering and disconnection.

Despite what we desired for the girls did not match what they desired for themselves, these budding leaders
and activists still somehow managed to savor the journey. Nearly every meeting the girls enthusiastically reported their experience as "GOOD" and "FUN". Yes, in spite of our bloopers and best efforts missing the
mark, the girls managed to create real and lasting value from their experiences.

So there I was, in a car full of bubbly girls thrilled to be with each other, living and loving the moment. No
regrets, no remorse, no despair, no frustrations, no could haves, would haves, or should haves about our incomplete project. Only exquisite joy exuded from these precious young gals. Bathed in their effervescence,
the expansive smile that had been beaming in my heart now emerged upon my face. Floating in this state of bliss, it was then that I finally understood…A deep abiding joy resides within each of us and NO special circumstances, conditions or outcomes are necessary to reveal our most authentic self to life. Project or no project, these girls allowed nothing to interfere with meeting their instinctive needs for closeness, connection, fun, and laughter.

We find greatest joy, not in getting, but in expressing what we are...
R.J. Baughan

We are all born with an infinite wellspring of joy at our core and our soul seeks to express this internal sense
of well-being at every opportunity - even at GFC team meetings. The girls experienced pleasure, meaning, contentment, and self-fulfillment through their playful, lighthearted and jovial ways of being together - something
I didn't fully understand at the time.

Having fun is a universal human need. And children are masters at seeking and creating magical moments of
joy. Still, linking fun with learning is being chipped away little by little as test scores, standards and objectives become the prime focus. Play is becoming nearly extinct as children advance through school. When was the last time you heard laughter in a classroom, at school, in staff meetings? And yet, we know that fostering fun builds connectedness and community, offers novelty and meaning, nurtures cognitive development, enhances communication, activates attention and increases memory and much more. Hmmm…time to rethink and reform the heart of education?!?!

Letting go of outcomes requires a deep trust in the Universe, trust that we are always being guided in our
highest good, trust that young people know what they need in their own way at their own pace. Non-
attachment doesn't mean giving up commitments to dreams, goals or intentions. Be unrestrained with your desires and then release them like balloons. Allow the Divine to do the work through you with Perfect timing
and direction, which often means you may not understand the path taken or the conclusion. AND perhaps something grander than you imagined could result. I'm certain it did in my situation.

At our final meeting, each girl was acknowledged individually as every team member responded to the following questions: What did this person bring to the team? and/or What will you miss about this person? Repeatedly, the girls recognized and expressed appreciation for the fun, smiles, humor, charisma, charm, personality, spunk, spirit, energy, support, camaraderie, kindness, joy and laughter that was abundantly evident in this team. Isn't this the deliciousness of life?!

On this final drive home, I asked the girls what they thought of the completion ceremony. Guess what they replied? "It was GOOD and FUN". So it was!!! And so it is!

"Joy is an active, creative, unconditional force that flows from the heart of the
Beloved. Joyousness is…a connecting force linking our hearts and minds with the presence of the sacred. Joy is what the sacred is…I do not look for joy in the events
or things of my life; I look for joy in the connection with my soul and in my
connection with the world. Joy is not necessarily the absence of suffering;
it is the presence of God." David Spangler

With deep gratitude and appreciation for the spirit of GFC Team #18

With boundless joy and love,
Adrian Reznik

Copyright © 2007 Adrian Reznik